2014 Christmas Spectacular

Hell's bells, no I have not stopped blogging, though work and a little illness have kept me from some of my pastimes recently. Now it's almost time for my holiday spectacular and yet, I have not written one normal post (as if any of them are really normal) in a month, so, the heck with it, I'm going with the holiday edition today.

 

Holiday memories

 

I was born and raised in a Jewish family.  Late in his life my father settled an argument between my older brother and myself. I clearly remembered that we had a Christmas tree one year, although now, all I can remember is the fact of it and no picture of it pops into my head. My brother said don't be ridiculous. Dad sided with me - yes, one year we had one.  I also seem to remember that something about them calling it a Chanukah bush, which is what Jews like to say when they decorate a tree, but I'm less sure about that.

 

Not that my parents had any pretensions about being Christian (it has occurred temporarily to two of my siblings). It was 5 of their 6 kids that left the religion. My parents were Jews to the core, my father to the degree that he affected a Yiddish accent for a few years (yes, really). They were Reform Jews, thank God (said the atheist) but Jews all the same. And they didn't want to us to mix up any Christian beliefs with those we were supposed to have. So, when I was four my mother tried to tell me that there was no Santa Claus. That I have a slight visual image of, though it could be imagined. It took place, if I recall correctly, in my bedroom, and my mother delicately tried to let me know that Santa was just for fun, and hoping I wasn't very disappointed. I wasn't.  I was embarrassed. Embarrassed that she thought there was a possibility that I thought that there a person who could actually slide down your chimney. Of course, at the time, I wasn't yet an atheist.  I'm not sure I gave the concept of God any thought at all at that age, although I may have just repeated the mantra or believed it. You can't remember everything. The firm skepticism I developed I distinctly remember occurring when I was in the 2nd grade, when I concluded religion was a hoax pervading the entire earth (thinking how could I, a child, alone, recognize this fraud and who was perpetrating it?) How far off was I?  Depends what you believe.

 

My family, naturally, celebrated Chanukah and I do have some nice memories of the lighting of the menorah with its characteristic waxy aroma and bags of candy money, that is, chocolate wrapped in faux-silver or gold aluminum, and even of that pathetic toy - the dreidel, with which I must have played a game on occasion.  For those not familiar with it, it was a top with four sides upon which were marked four Hebrew letters, one of which I think I remember was a gamma - our g. But, don't hold it to me.  Nor do I remember how you played.  And there was that horrendous dreidel song - "Dreidel, dreidel, I made it out of clay . . . . "

 

Leaving aside the many famous Xmas songs Jews have written, they somehow couldn't write a decent Chanukah song until Adam Sandler giggled through The Chanukah Song on Saturday Night Live (although to be fair, I once though I heard a relatively decent in Hebrew one year at a tree lighting ceremony, of all places, but, have never been able to learn its name and have never heard it again). Though I am not much of a Sandler fan, his song is fun because it mentions all kinds of celebrities, Jewish and otherwise, and brings into the light that whole Jewish funk some go through during Xmas season, ostensibly because there are far more Christians - many nominal, of course - than Jews, but I really think because the Christian holiday has racked up the better cultural icons. By far - by far.  

 

Not being a believer or really considering myself a Jew (other than by heritage and how others judge me) it is pretty easy for me to enjoy Xmas all I want. People like to bash the commercial aspects of Xmas, but that's exactly what I like, not the religious aspects. The last Xmas mass I was dragged to I brought a book with me. At least a few times I have tried to encourage a Jewish person suffering through the Xmas doldrums that they can enjoy pretty lights, fun songs and movies as much as any Christian without betraying their family and faith. Christians don't actually own the pretty lights. If an atheist can celebrate Xmas - and possibly a majority do in America - and Christians can enjoy Fiddler on the Roof, why can't Jews like Xmas?

 

But, some Jews can't get past it. But just as sad to me as Jews being unhappy because it seems to them like the whole country is having a party and they aren't invited. But, also sad to me is that some Christians can't appreciate the commercial Xmas I so adore either because it violates whatever religious restrictions they put on themselves. In some sects of Christianity (at least, they say they are Christians - others differ) Christmas can't be made merry, I think because they believe it trivializes it. I only know this because a few times in my life I've met children who weren't allowed any Joy to the World in the way the other kids could celebrate Xmas and it made me feel bad for them.  Who says they can't be pious and serious and sing O Magnum Mysterium in church and Jingle Bells on your way home? I know what you are thinking -- just because I can't see why anyone would do that to their kids doesn't mean they can't have joyful and meaningful lives too, but, how do you not let your kids watch Elf at Christmas?  People should answer the phone like he does in the movie -  "Buddy the Elf. What's your favorite color?" - at least in the holiday season.

 

The other aspect of Christmas and Chanukah that is big, of course, is gift giving. I hate to say it, but the joy of gift giving has been a little trampled on for me. I can remember a time when I gave out dozens of gifts every year. Unfortunately, it seemed to upset people more than please them and foist upon them an obligation I did not intend. Because if they didn't get one for you, they felt worse instead of better. I admit I've felt a little uncomfortable at times in those circumstances myself - Oh, they thought of me and must be hurt because I didn't think of them. But, I get over it. The way to handle it is to just try and be gracious and think if you can give a gift without getting one back, why shouldn't they be able to. Of course, you may be kidding yourself, but, what's the harm? There was at one point a time one circle among my friends all exchanged gifts with each other. That was sort of ruined when one of them (who, just wasn't going to like anything you gave her . . . I mean him or her ) insisted that we only give gifts for the kids. The Kids? They got so many gifts, if you piled up all of the presents I got as a kid it wouldn't equal one year's worth of presents for them.

 

Which brings me back to my youth and getting Chanukah presents. The way we did Chanukah - and I have no idea if this is traditional and Maimonides did this with his kids too or if it's just an American thing - is that you would get one big gift on the first day of Chanukah and then smaller gifts the next 7 days.  By "big gift" I mean that I would get a board game or something, like Mousetrap or Clue. And, we would be excited. The one thing you feared getting, of course, was ---- clothes. Because we could give a ***'s  *** about getting clothes and it meant one of your eight days and gifts was gone. Oh, well. Over all it worked out. I don't remember Chanukah ending and feeling disappointed.

 

So, nowadays, I exchange with my girlfriend (yes, she who I also like to call my 25 to Life Sentence, my Ball and Chainsaw, the Warden, my GirlFuhrer and my Insignificant Other) my daughter, brother and his family and less than a handful of my closest friends and a few others. On occasion I sneak a gift to someone and just leave it on their door step without a card so that they don't feel terrible and have to rush out and get me something, pretending they forgot to give it to me.  That's what Xmas guilt has reduced me to - being a Xmas sneak.

 

I do have a gift giving problem this year. It seems, limited as I am, I mostly only know how to give people books.  No idea if they actually read them or not. Personally, I read almost every book people give me as gifts even if I didn't choose them. There are limits. Someone once gave me (and others) a door stop of a novel by someone whose writing he admired for Xmas and I got through about four or so pages before I realized I'd rather be crammed down a chimney or take a terrifying ride on a flying sled without a seatbelt and gave it up.  But the rest I've read, even when given by those who have no idea what my taste is, and often I am surprised and really like them. And, of course, when I hand them out, I'm sure there are some clinkers in there too. You have to be in the right mood for a book and you can't always judge correctly what someone else will like or be in the mood for.  But, that's probably true of all gifts.

 

In any event, some people I give gifts to don't read paper books anymore; they read on devices. I suppose there is a way to give them a gift, but I'm 55 this year and it is a bit over my head how to go about it (I am up to the level where I can now download a book onto my Kindle, but I pretty much only download stuff either for free or almost free, that I'm pretty sure I would never read otherwise than on the crowded train where a book can be clumsy). As I have probably written on my blog more than once, I know these electronic readers are better in almost every way than books, but I'm not used to it and I like to look at my books sitting on shelves or in piles. It feels better to turn a page than click a button. Call me a luddite. I'm fine with it. Except when I move. Then having everything on a reader would be a godsend.

 

There's always gift cards, of course, so that they can actually pick out what they like instead of what I hope they like and haven't read yet, and on a few occasions I have given them to people, and don't mind getting them myself. But, still, I can't help but get the feeling that it means, look, I want to get you something but I'm too busy and it's not really that important so that I would put any thought into it and risk giving you something you don't like. So I'm not fair. You should hear how I feel about wedding registries.

 

Anyway, yes, I love Christmas and don't care who knows it, but so many people I know (okay, women - though in the modern world saying so somehow makes me a misogynist) just get overwhelmed by the expectations, reciprocations and self-inflicted pressure of the holidays and sometimes hate it.  Maybe "dread" is a better word.  Yes, they keep a list of people who send them cards and only send those people cards the next year. Is that really the spirit? No, but it's the reality.

 

I went to a restaurant today called Rolf's in NYC. We started the tradition last year adding it to our pilgrimage to see the tree and walk down 5th Avenue looking in the store windows. Rolf's is a German restaurant and not that special in itself (the food's okay and too expensive), except they decorate the hell out of it for Christmas starting in October and there is something fun about sitting there in a pub where it looks like Santa exploded. 

 






From Rolf's Restaurant in NYC.

Review of favorite Xmas songs and Movies       

 

I have made lists here before and don't feel the need to review them comprehensively. But, I do like talking about them. This year (and probably most years), my favorites are All I want for Xmas is you - by Vince Vaughn and the Valiants (no, not the Mariah Carey song - it's country western and really pretty), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1VkMBi9vvw, the Trans-Siberian Orchestra's Christmas Canon, Dean Martin's Let it snow and several versions of Baby, it's cold outside. Okay, and the Mariah Carey song.

 

And, I've DVR'd four Xmas movies this year -

 

Serendipity - a tour de force of personality by the leading actor, John Cusack, one of my all time favorites, and his side kick, Jeremy Piven, who almost steals the show, and the irresistibly cute leading actress, Kate Beckinsale, before she became a vampire.

 

Elf - I'm going to say this. If you don't like Elf, you are a cotton headed ninny muggins. Will Ferrell is a human raised as an elf, and, he's not only probably the funniest man alive other than Jim Carrey, but, you buy the character totally. He plays a lot of characters. But, at Christmas for me he's an elf. And this was Zooey Deschanel's best role (though she was good in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) and her duet with Leon Redbone on Baby, It's Cold Outside, is probably my second favorite version of it after the original Mercer-Whiting one (no, it wasn't Crosby and Day as is so often found on the web). That's on the soundtrack.

 

Miracle on 34th Street - Simply my all time favorite movie. If you watch any version but the 1947 Edmund Gwenn, Maureen O'Hara, John Payne, Natalie Wood, Eugene Lockhart, Porter Hall, William Frawley, Gerald Cowan (also a small role in The Maltese Falcon, another of my favorite movies), Phillip Tonge, Thelma Ritter version - what a cast! - then you are indeed a cotton headed ninny muggins and definitely on the naughty list. Because there are a few things in this world I really do not like. One is end zone dances. And another are remakes of the best movie ever made.

 

Bad Santa - A sick but very funny movie starring Billy Bob Thornton, Bernie Mac, Lauren Graham (Gilmore Girls mom), Tony Cox (yes, the guy who still plays a black elf on a recent tv commercial - I guess it worked), Lauren Tom - I don't even think it is possible to describe her character, John Ritter, and this strange rotund little actor, Brett Kelly, who plays Thurman Merman (he's in college now, but says he'll keep acting). Wikipedia says that Jack Nicholson and Bill Murray wanted the lead role but had other projects that kept them from it. I think I used to dislike him because he married Angelina Jolie. I can actually see either of them killing the role, but Thornton was good.

 

And, I'd like to see one of my favorites, The Miracle of Morgan's Creek, a wonderful Preston Sturges comedy starring now forgotten actors, Eddie Bracken (Jerry Lewis before there was a Jerry Lewis) and Betty Hutton, but also William Demarest (Uncle Charlie in My Three Sons) and Porter Hall (see Miracle on 34th Street, above). It's not just really funny, but, when you know the back story of how Sturges battled the censors to make this subtly sexually suggestive movie in the 40s, it is even more so. Unfortunately, you can't find it on television very often.

 

And yes, I already saw It's a Wonderful Life this year, and fortunately only from when Clarence makes his earthly appearance, which is when the movie takes off for me. Some IAWL trivia I borrowed from the IMDB.com. Are there any lawyers reading this - is that legal? It's just a few and isn't trivia trivial by nature?:

 

1) In the frigid scene where Jimmy Stewart is about to jump off the bridge - it was 90 degrees on the Hollywood set and Stewart was sweating. All that snow is fake and the movie was filmed during a heat wave.

 

2) This was originally supposed to be a Cary Grant vehicle.

 

3) Stewart said it was his favorite movie of all that he made and George Bailey was also his favorite character. Personally, I think that's crazy, considering he made Vertigo, Rear Window, Rope and The Man Who Knew Too Much (from whence the song - Que cera cera) with Hitchcock, never mind a bunch of other movies which had to be better, but, I guess he's entitled to his opinion. It was Capra's favorite of his own movies too. 

 

4) You remember the dance scene where the floor opens exposing a pool (filmed in a real Hollywood high school). The kid who pushed the button was Carl Switzer. Not ringing a bell? Try - Alfalfa from The Little Rascals.

 

Some of my favorite things

 

Did someone mention Alfred Hitchcock? It gives me the idea of listing a bunch of the things in the television and film world that I'm particularly grateful for, not repeating those listed above -

 

Hitchcock - particularly the four Stewart movies I listed above, but also North by Northwest, The Paradine Case, Frenzy and To Catch a Thief.

 

The Howard Stern Show from about 1984 through roughly 2004, when I finally started to tire of it. But, some of the hardest laughs in my life were had while driving to work thanks to him.

 

The Honeymooners - men my age still laugh like baboons when watching re-runs of Kramden and Norton, even for the zillionth time.

 

Woody Allen's Play it Again, Sam, Sleeper, What's Up, Tiger Lily?, Love and Death, Take the Money and Run, Casino Royale and Annie Hall. It's been a long time since I've watched one of his movies.

 

A funny thing happened on the way to the forum.

 

Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein.

 

Peter Sellers as Clouseau in A shot in the Dark and The Return of the Pink Panther.

 

John Williamson scores in the Indiana Jones, Star Wars and Superman series.

 

Sean Connery - still James Bond to me (and I'm not alone).

 

Richard Dean Anderson, who has played two of my favorite tv characters in two of my favorite shows - Angus MacGyver (in, of course, MacGyver) and Colonel, then General Jack O'Neill in Stargate SG1.

 

Kung Fu, starring David Carradine. I still quote from that show all the time and I'm not even being ironic when I do.

 

Jane Fonda as Barbarella in the movie of the same name. Hey, I'm human and male. The opening scene in the space craft stays with me still.

 

Joey Heatherton - I don't know about you, but she fueled a lot of teenage fantasies for me. I do not want to know what she looks like now. I know what I look like and she's got years on me.

 

Clint Eastwood, particularly in the near perfect The Outlaw Josey Wales but also A Fistful of Dollars, For a Few Dollars More, Pale Rider and, of course, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly.   Naturally, this barely touches on his long and rather amazing career as an actor and director. My two favorites of his non-Western film would be an edgy detective movie, Tightrope (not as Dirty Harry) and a WWII movie with Richard Burton, Where Eagles Dare.  I kind of liked those orangutan movies too - Every which way . . . . Oh, and one movie he made with Burt Reynolds - City Heat.

 

The Odd Couple (the tv show with Klugman and Randall rather than the more primitive Mathau/Lemon movie).

 

Along with the Honeymooners and The Odd Couple, the other two greatest tv comedy series in my mind were Seinfeld and All in the Family. The Original Mary Tyler Moore Show may round the top level out and if I was going to make it ten, F-Troop, The Munsters, The Adams Family, Gilligan's Island and Fawlty Towers.

 

Obviously, I don't find television as well done now as it used to be, but I loved Friends too. Most recently, I am mourning the end of How I Met Your Mother and am only consoled by Modern Family. BTW, men - am I the only one who finds Julie Bowen sexier than Sophie Vergara? Cause she is.

 

Bruce Lee. There has never been anyone like him since. Not even close.

 

The original Superman from the '50s starring George Reeves and Lois and Clark from the '90s.

 

One of the first tv shows I remember - King of the Rocket Men, which was originally a movie serial

 

I'm sure many more, but that's about all I can think of off the top of my head and I have to wrap this up.

 

Ten things that make me odd and a little disreputable

 

Why not make fun of myself? It's Xmas. I've noticed the following things about me seem to bother some people (and I'm not including the gf, because that's everything). I guess it's because I differ from them and I'm not supposed to.  I'll never really understand it but this is just the way it is.

 

1) I don't see why people like big tv's so much, not to mention HD.  We loved it when it was black and white and had a 13 inch diagonal. Why do we need it so much bigger and those incremental improvements in color? Okay, it's prettier, but so. Besides, I really don't want to see people's veins or sweat. Is that really more fun?

 

2) I ask people to explain why they believe certain things (if I think they are normal and won't explode). But, apparently that's more challenging than a lot of people like.

 

3) Sometimes I read while driving. Not when I'm with anyone though or in traffic. Even I know that would terrify people. But, people don't even like to hear I do that.

 

4) I like Autumn better than spring. At least in NY, Spring is usually cold and wet or too hot. With the exception of going to the beach, I prefer Winter to Summer. Rather be cold than hot. Amazingly, though I do know some people who agree, this really bothers a lot of people.

 

5) I don't see why I should root for a team just because the stadium is closer to my house.

 

6) I still prefer paper books to readers.

 

7) I don't carry a wallet. If I lose the wallet I lose everything. Same reason I don't put all my keys on one ring.

 

8) I'm not uncomfortable eating something off the table. It's not dirty.  And I don't see why some foods we are allowed to eat with our hands and others not, unless it's really goopy. Admittedly, there are limits to my table manner. If it's not really disgusting in my book, but just a convention, I might skip it.

 

9) I don't watch all those wonderful cable shows. I know they are terrific. I just don't want to watch them. Maybe some day. Just not this year.

 

10). I have no idea why people believe things just because their family does, at least once they grow up. Tradition can be nice, but, thinking about things and maybe making up your mind about it is much better. Apparently, that is really troublesome to any number of people.


That's all folks. Merry Christmas. Happy Chanukah.