Way back in 2007 I wrote a post called the new Miss Malaprop, enshrining the verbal gems of the lady also known as my "insignificant other" (our pet name for each other, in case you were wondering), or below as "P" (and I am "D"). She's still active in the field, but I haven't gotten any better since the last post in recording her work. I'm always sure I will remember one of them later, but if I don't write it down instantly - poof - it's gone. You can look back at the earlier post (4/26/07) to introduce yourself to her or refresh your recollection. Like a man slipping on a banana, they don't get old.
This is a much shorter list than the last one, as it covers fewer years, but some of them are just as funny. Like the last time, I use the term “malapropism” very loosely to cover all types of language mangling or just funny stuff, like this first one:
The curious conversation
P: "You don’t even know Jesus."
D: "I know more about him than you."
P: "No you don’t."
D: "Okay, name the four gospels."
P: "Old or New Testament?"
D: (chuckling)
P: "I don’t know. 1, 2, 3 and 4?"
*
D: "Don’t be so intransigent."
P: "I'm not in transit!"
*
D: "I really don’t need more than three plates in my house."
P: "What if you have a big shin ding?"
The substituted word:
"I refuse to answer upon the grounds I may be discriminated."
*
"It’s not worthwild."
*
"I told him to charm right in if he had something to say."
The mixed or fractured metaphor:
(Shaking her head) "How little they forget."
*
"She finally saw the dawn at the end of the tunnel." (This one is so very subtle. She actually mixes three metaphors here - "It dawned on her," "She finally saw the light," and, "There's a light at the end of the tunnel," yet, somehow, when she blends them, for a moment it seems right. Genius.)
*
“Don’t you know the expression, 'let sleeping babies lie?'”
Miscellaneous:
And perhaps my recent favorite -
"You would think that after 30 years he would speak well English."
Well, Good night, Gracie.
This is a much shorter list than the last one, as it covers fewer years, but some of them are just as funny. Like the last time, I use the term “malapropism” very loosely to cover all types of language mangling or just funny stuff, like this first one:
The curious conversation
P: "You don’t even know Jesus."
D: "I know more about him than you."
P: "No you don’t."
D: "Okay, name the four gospels."
P: "Old or New Testament?"
D: (chuckling)
P: "I don’t know. 1, 2, 3 and 4?"
*
D: "Don’t be so intransigent."
P: "I'm not in transit!"
*
D: "I really don’t need more than three plates in my house."
P: "What if you have a big shin ding?"
The substituted word:
"I refuse to answer upon the grounds I may be discriminated."
*
"It’s not worthwild."
*
"I told him to charm right in if he had something to say."
The mixed or fractured metaphor:
(Shaking her head) "How little they forget."
*
"She finally saw the dawn at the end of the tunnel." (This one is so very subtle. She actually mixes three metaphors here - "It dawned on her," "She finally saw the light," and, "There's a light at the end of the tunnel," yet, somehow, when she blends them, for a moment it seems right. Genius.)
*
“Don’t you know the expression, 'let sleeping babies lie?'”
Miscellaneous:
And perhaps my recent favorite -
"You would think that after 30 years he would speak well English."
Well, Good night, Gracie.
Laughter. good.
ReplyDeleteNot a malaprop, but a recent dog t-shirt slogan that is brilliant in it's understatement and currently the motto that surrounds the family crest: Eat. Play. Nap. Happy.
Amen to that.
ReplyDelete